When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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