that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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