And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
