some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
