You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
