idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
