3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
