Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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