the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
