Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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