I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
