I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
