I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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