YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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