can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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