Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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