I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He better not be in your backpack
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
