ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize