I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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