you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
