Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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