Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He felt like a one man threesome
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
