How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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