Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
