Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
