Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
if only i could text you this smell
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
