shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
