i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
