His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
