Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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