Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize