I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
