Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
