Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
