Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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