Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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