Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
