dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
