For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
