I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
