I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize