Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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