this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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