My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
