why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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