i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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