I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize