Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
