So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
