my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
