i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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