he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
