It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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