I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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