I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize