there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
