i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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