I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
