i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize