Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You've changed since you got that strap on
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
