I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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