I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
