Need sex. Gaining weight.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
