Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
