drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize