I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
