He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
