Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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