it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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