He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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